As I wake up each day and head to work for day after day of the same bullshit, the day of being screwed draws closer. And as it draws closer, I shrink further into the dark and comfortable hole of myself. Drifting through to the inevitable next episode of anxiety, and hoping that I have shrunk into myself enough to maybe contain the explosion. The reality has become clear that my while my medication seems to help with day to day functioning, what my life has become is not longer able to be controlled by my current medication. As a result, I will need to go to the doctors next week to change my meds. This will involve having to talk through everything with the my doctor, and that thought makes me want to just continue hiding.
Today is brought to me by a song called Mayday, by Wild Rivers. While it is a chilled and relaxed song talking about hard times, it provides comfort to my heavy feeling soul.
It has now reached 4 pm, and that means drinks at work. Even though I still have 3 hours of work to go, then a 2 hour trip home. This provides some relaxation as the alcohol warms me, and relaxes the senses.
I have been invited to go out for dinner after work, and the idea sounds great! The reality is that my insides are screaming and protesting. As I need to put myself out there in order to become better, I will accept the invitation if at all possible.
(This is now the next day because I got way tipsy, and then lazy)
I ended up going out last night. I finished just over a bottle of wine prior to going to Madam Woo. That meant I was a slightly tipsy, making it easier to be social. The three of us talked and laughed in a bustling restaurant. After a couple of hours, K-Face dropped me home. This was awesome because it gave us the opportunity to just talk between the 2 of us.
Once inside at home, I felt exhausted and sensitive, so headed to bed. Husuband and I will be going shopping shortly, so I shall write later.