Today marks the first day working for the new company. Trying to pull on minimal to no training of the new company prevented me from sleeping soundly last night. There is so much more that I need to know to be able to perform at a high level. Fortunately my new boss is understanding and will help at any point that help is needed.
I have made sure that I have taken my anxiety meds, and are currently wolfing down a bacon and egg muffin from the cafe downstairs with a coffee to wash it down. As far as I am concerned, I will be as prepared as possible for whatever today may throw at me.
So it’s lunch time, and I put myself into a break, to come back and find that the system had removed me from a break, resulting in me bouncing 17 calls in total, turning my stats into a horrible mess of underperformance. And this also caused me to run around trying to fix the issue, and not being able to go and get lunch, so I went lunchless today.
It’s now 9:21pm, and if only I knew what the afternoon had to bring. Gee whizz! There were customers of all sorts that came through including 2 people who were so distraught about the small delays in their internet installation that they became emotional wrecks including tears and stories about I had ruined their lives. No matter though, I am there to help people, and I took these in my stride.
*please note, I am battling typing this while Luna is giving me all the kisses and head boops, and is also attempting to help Dad type this. Thanks Luna!*
ANYWAY, I was an angry mess on the drive home, and I probably frightened my poor lesbian with the anger and frustration that poured out my face hole while attempting to evict the poison from my system.
The husuband was quite quiet tonight, so we basically sat in silence while watching How to Become a Murderer on TV which was fine for me as I didn’t infect her with the poison from my day.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t let work become your life. Leave your work at the office when you leave. Don’t take things personally at work.
All very practical and sensible things to say to avoid becoming a bitch outside of work. But not so practical in reality for an empath. As an empath I feel everything deeply, whether intended directly at me or not. I constantly try to do the best for other, and even defend other people (including the company I work for). Even to the point that I almost always forget to look out for MY best interests, and defend myself.This is something that needs to change.
I need to learn to put my feelings and care for others aside when it isn’t needed, and look out for myself and remember that I am number 1, and I can’t help others unless I am in a good place. Today, at work, was a good example. Work caused so much rage inside me as I was looking out for the company I work for, and also the customers best interest, without looking after myself and leaving work at the door. This soaked through into my personal life, and I need to stop this happening so that outside of work can be a sanctuary. MY sanctuary. Where no one can make me feel a way that I don’t want to feel. Because lets face it, who in their right mind wants to be filled with resentment and contempt at situations that don’t require these feelings. And these feelings are plain and simply destructive to myself, and others.
I got my camera back from daughter dearest on Sunday, and need to get batteries for it so that I can start taking photos of the beauty that presents itself in my life. Whether that be a pretty flower, a nice view, or the brilliance that are friends.These I will put into my blog to bring beauty and light into the darkness and remind myself that not everything in the world is terrible. They will also be a nice thing to look upon and see if my perception of beauty in life develops and grows (and also if my camera skills improve :P).
May you find something beautiful in today,
James xx
Anxiety Alley 